Mary asks about a new tool to make her computer speedy again
I saw something advertised on Facebook (yen, I know) called Speed Fix Tool (http://speedfixtool.com/) that is supposed to work wonders on speeding up your computer. These things are usually either too good to be true or they are products that want to load bad stuff on your computer for their own gain. I thought I would send it to you to see what you think. I have to confess that I am behind on emails (way behind) and have not checked the last few Cloudeight InfoAve emails 🙁 yet. But, I did a quick search on them and didn’t find this mentioned. Thanks much and keep up the good work.
Hi Mary, thanks. We’ve said more than once if a program has the words “speed”, “tune-up”, “fast” in its name, and promises to speed up your computer or make it run like new or some other ridiculous claim then there’s a 100% chance it’s snake oil; it’s like the diet pills that let you eat all you want, whenever you want and still lose weight. It ain’t going to happen.
Here’s what we know: If there was such a program that could miraculously cure ailing PCs Microsoft would include it in Windows – that’s for sure. Instead, since Windows ME, Microsoft’s best attempt at repairing broken/slow computer has been System Restore — not exactly a miracle speeder upper, but a good tool to recover from many problems. In Windows 8x they introduced System Refresh and System Reset. What System Restore, System Refresh, and System Reset have in common is that they all take your computer back to a time before the problems started — the don’t speed up Windows, they don’t by design fix anything — simply restoring, refreshing, resetting your computer to an earlier time or reinstalling Windows may well “fix” the problem.
Whether or not the SpeedFix tool you write about contains malware or not, we don’t know. What we do know is that the chances it will speed up your computer are about the same as a bottle of vitamins will make you feel 30 years younger. It’s not happening.
Let’s take a look at the promises SpeedFix makes – but first notice the “McAfee” and “Norton Secured”. What does this mean? Nothing. Can you pay for Norton/McAfee’s “Secure” seal – why of course you can! This is supposed to give the program credibility and make a potential user feel at ease – just another bit of snake oil leading the consumer down the slippery slope of being scammed.
OK, SpeedFix promises to:
— Make your computer run like new again
— Prevent Crashes
— Increase stability
— Automated repairs
— Advanced Scan Technology
— 100% Secure
Let’s take these one at a time. Nothing is going to make your computer run like new again unless you reinstall Windows, use the recovery partition to take your computer back to the state it was in when you bought it, or have someone who knows what they’re doing go through your computer and eliminate all possible causes of slowdowns. If there were miracle programs available that could fix problems with the click of a button, there would be no repair shops, no online repair services, and no one’s computer would be running poorly. If you could just click one button and make your computer run like new again, Microsoft would include such a program in Windows. Period.
Prevent Crashes? That’s a broad statement. Program crashes have many causes; no automated fix-up program is going to prevent crashes.
Increase stability? How do they define stability? How do they define instability? Software conflicts, malware, missing or corrupted Windows file and a host of other things can cause a computer to run poorly – but what is stability?
Automated repairs? What does this repair? Everything? Certain things? This company paints with a broad brush.
Advanced Scan Technology — This is funny. It’s like “New and Improved!”
100% Secure — There is nothing on the Web and no program that is 100% secure. If things could be made 100% there wouldn’t be credit card theft or hacking of Target, Home Depot, etc. No such thing as 100% secure.
Snake oil salesmen have been around for hundreds of years. The only difference now is we have digital snake oil salesmen. There’s always someone out there preying on people’s weaknesses and telling them what they want to hear.
We have fixed thousands of computers since we started Cloudeight Direct and we wish there was some magic elixir we could apply to people’s computers and fix them in five minutes instead of spending hours fixing a PC so it works right. There’s no such thing and it requires expertise, skill, patience and perseverance to repair PC problems. The claims some programs make are sheer fiction but no one regulates these claims — so any company can claim anything they want.
There is one more thing we will cover and that’s the non-existent guarantee; there is no guarantee that the program will work as advertised, nor can you do anything about it if it doesn’t. You give up your right to jury trial and class-action lawsuits…
Class Action Waiver. Except as otherwise provided in this Provision, the arbitrator may not consolidate more than one person’s claims, and may not otherwise preside over any form of a class or representative proceeding or claims (such as a class action, consolidated action or private attorney general action) unless both you and Provider specifically agree to do so following initiation of the arbitration. If you choose to pursue your Dispute in court by opting out of this Provision, as specified above “Exclusions from Arbitration/Right to Opt Out”, this Class Action Waiver will not apply to you. Neither you, nor any other user of the Licensed Software can be a class representative, class member, or otherwise participate in a class, consolidated, or representative proceeding without having complied with the opt-out requirements above.
Jury Waiver. You understand and agree that by entering into this agreement you and Provider are each waiving the right to a jury trial or a trial before a judge in a public court. In the absence of this Provision, you and Provider might otherwise have had a right or opportunity to bring Disputes in a court, before a judge or jury, and/or to participate or be represented in a case filed in court by others (including class actions). Except as otherwise provided below, those rights are waived. Other rights that you would have if you went to court, such as the right to appeal and to certain types of discovery, may be more limited or may also be waived.
Then there’s this:
NO WARRANTY ON LICENSED SOFTWARE.
THE LICENSED SOFTWARE (EXLUDING (sic) THE MEDIA ON WHICH IT IS DISTRIBUTED) AND ALL PROVIDER RELATED WEBSITES AND SERVICES ARE PROVIDED TO LICENSEE “AS IS” AND “AS AVAILABLE,” AND PROVIDER AND ITS SUPPLIERS AND LICENSORS MAKE NO WARRANTY AS TO THEIR USE OR PERFORMANCE. PROVIDER AND ITS SUPPLIERS AND LICENSORS MAKE NO WARRANTIES OR REPRESENTATIONS (EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, WHETHER BY STATUTE, COMMON LAW, CUSTOM, USAGE, OR OTHERWISE) AS TO ANY MATTER INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION: QUALITY, AVAILABILITY, PERFORMANCE OR FUNCTIONALITY OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE OR ANY RELATED PROVIDER WEBSITES OR SERVICES; QUALITY OR ACCURACY OF ANY INFORMATION OBTAINED FROM OR AVAILABLE THROUGH USE OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE OR RELATED PROVIDER WEBSITES OR SERVICES; ANY REPRESENATION (sic) OR WARRANTY THAT THE USE OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE OR ANY RELATED PROVIDER WEBSITES OR SERVICES WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ALWAYS AVAILABLE (WHETHER DUE TO INTERNET FAILURE OR OTHERWISE), ERROR-FREE, FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS OR OPERATE ON OR WITH ANY PARTICULAR HARDWARE, PLATFORM OR SOFTWARE; NON-INFRINGEMENT OF THIRD-PARTY RIGHTS, MERCHANTABILITY, INTEGRATION, SATISFACTORY QUALITY, OR FITNESS FOR ANY PARTICULAR PURPOSE, EXCEPT FOR, AND ONLY TO THE EXTENT, THAT A WARRANTY MAY NOT BE EXCLUDED OR LIMITED BY APPLICABLE LAW IN LICENSEE’S JURISDICTION.
It’s sad that this company probably has made more money with this scam in the last six months than we’ll make in the next six years — but no one ever said life was fair.