In my little corner of the world, autumn has settled in.
Walking outside it still feels like summer, but a quick glance at the clock when darkness falls tells me the days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer: A reminder that the bitter, biting and unrelenting winds of winter will soon whip the snow in whitescapes swirling and drifting down my lonely street and painting the world white.
I’ll watch the flakes flurry in dizzy dances under the street lamp and wonder where summer… and autumn have gone.
In its own way, that beautiful and brilliant palette of autumn, the reds and yellows and shades of orange, displayed by the dazzling trees, mock deep sadness that is born from the reluctant realization that another summer has come to an end, another autumn has begun, winter is on its way… and another year of my life is almost gone.
Every year that passes, passes faster than the one before. The less time I have, the more quickly time passes. Weeks pass by like days and months pass by like weeks.
I am not quite sure why autumn has such a profound affect on me, but it does. It brings deep thoughts and doubts and makes me wonder. Why is life not fair? Life is certainly not fair. Time should pass quickly when we’re young and have plenty of time, and slow down when we’re older when the sand in the hourglass of life is running out.
As a child sitting in school, I can remember looking at the classroom clock, its hands telling me there were ten minutes left in the school day. And those ten minutes seemed to take forever. Back then, school weeks seemed like months.
And I can remember that summer vacation from school, as welcome and anticipated as it was, seemed to drag on and on. So much so that by the end of August, I was ready to go back to school. In fact, I couldn’t wait to get back I loved my summer vacations from school but summer seemed too long. Funny… summer once seemed to last forever and now it seems like this year, it was never here at all.
Sunlight has an odd slant to it. I look out the window at the shadows cast by the trees and they’re long and odd. Something seems amiss with the world although it’s exactly as it is supposed to be. An uneasy feeling comes with the beauty of autumn, and I can’t quite figure out how to describe it. Maybe it’s the not knowing. The not knowing what lies ahead. Not only with the seasons, but with my life as well.
No matter how well you plan for tomorrow, tomorrow has its own plans. You can carefully plan for almost every eventuality and yet tomorrow can slap you down with something you never saw coming.
I have to admit this. Autumn in all its beauty has opposite affects on me. You see, autumn is, and has always been, a thought-starter for me. It brings on melancholy thoughts that turn quickly whimsical. But the whimsy almost always turns back to melancholy again.
Sometimes those flights of fanciful thoughts, are weighed down by years and memories, and don’t get very far off the ground.
I look past the shadows, into the sunshine and I see trees, dazzling and resplendent, painted by the hand of Nature, and every one more beautiful than any painting I’ve ever seen. Yet, their beauty brings to me a sullen sadness, both peaceful and deep, and I don’t know why. It’s an uneasy feeling because my mind can’t understand it and a welcome feeling because it has become familiar.
The swaying colors remind me that life is as fleeting as the seasons and as unpredictable and changeable as the wind. It is a mixture of victories and losses, of sorrows and joys, pleasure and pain, tragedies and triumphs. Life is not fair and maybe it’s not supposed to be.
It’s a warm, anacrhonistic autumn day – a day out of sorts with the season. It more belongs to June than to October. Days and seasons will be what they will be. We will all live exactly as long as we’re supposed to and not a day or an hour longer.
And… the best we can hope for is to leave behind all the love that we shared.