At first I pretended. I tricked myself into thinking it didn\u2019t matter much that you were no longer my friend. Sometimes I make life too complicated:<\/p>\n
We were good friends and then we weren\u2019t \u2013 it\u2019s as simple as that.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s kind of like being told you have a terminal illness \u2013 at first you deny it, then you rationalize it, then someday you realize you have no choice but to accept it.<\/p>\n
We were friends, and then all of a sudden – within the span of a few minutes – we weren\u2019t. I still can\u2019t accept it, but I can see I’m going to have to.<\/p>\n
You like to think it\u2019s my fault that we are no longer friends. I was not totally honest with you and that\u2019s certainly true. You had a right to get angry, and I suppose because of it you had a right to end our friendship.<\/p>\n
Me? Well I like to think that it\u2019s your fault that we\u2019re not friends because after all this time you still haven\u2019t forgiven me. Of course, now you\u2019ll tell me that have forgiven me, but that\u2019s not true, you haven\u2019t. You just like to think that way because it makes you feel better.<\/p>\n
You like to say we\u2019re friends and you still think of me as your friend, but you don\u2019t talk to me. \u00a0You won’t talk to me. \u00a0And you won’t even answer my email or letters. How can you say we’re friends? I don\u2019t think that\u2019s how friends are supposed to be.<\/p>\n
And I don’t think you think so either.<\/p>\n
You and I often discussed friendship when we used to talk. We used to laugh at how diluted the words \u201cfriendship\u201d and \u201clove\u201d have become over the years. Facebook helped dilute the word \u201cfriend\u201d to a meaningless term that can encompass anyone from people you hardly know, to people who are close to you – and even people who you don’t know at all.<\/p>\n
But you know what, my friend? Friendship is never conditional.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want a friend who says to me \u201cI\u2019ll be your friend IF\u2026\u201d We live in a conditional world. If you pay your bills on time you get a good credit rating and you can buy more and more THINGS. If you don\u2019t pay your bills on time you get a bad credit rating and you\u2019re a DEADBEAT. If you pay your bills on time you\u2019re worthy, if you don\u2019t you\u2019re not. Most things in the world are that way \u2013 they are conditional \u2013 but love and friendship must never be.<\/p>\n
Real friendship isn\u2019t real easy. We can\u2019t always be what someone else expects us to be. Sooner or later one of us is going to let the other down. Neither of us is perfect \u2013 nobody is. I can\u2019t always live up to your expectations and you can\u2019t always live up to mine. But true friendship rises above expectations; Friendship is never conditional. If you robbed a bank, I\u2019d come to see you in jail. I\u2019d write you letters. I would still be your friend \u2013 no matter what. That\u2019s how real friendship is supposed to be. But there\u2019s not much of that kind of friendship in this world anymore.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we have to go through a great deal of suffering and difficult, turbulent times before we find out who are friends really are \u2013 to separate the wheat from the chaff.<\/p>\n
Now I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d come to see you or write you if you were jail. I like to think I would, but I would never really know if I would unless you were. I am pretty sure you would not come to see me or write me if I were in jail. I can\u2019t even get you to talk to me now.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m still paying for my sins of the past with you. Were you really ever a friend or did we just keep other company and fill up what otherwise would have been empty space and empty time?<\/p>\n
Oh yes, we did share a million laughs. We laughed our way through springs, and summers, and winters, and autumns and rainy days and sunny ones. I can still hear the echoes of your laughter in my mind. It\u2019s a little bit faded; it has become tinged with sadness now. And time has diluted it with loneliness and tears.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we think friendship must lead somewhere \u2013 spending more time together, marriage, communal living, walks in a autumn forest holding hands \u2013 but there we go again with those dreaded conditions. Friendship and love are journeys not destinations. Love and friendship are never conditional. Maybe we had a little bit of both love and friendship, but not enough of either.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re there and I\u2019m standing here:<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t it rich?
\nAre we a pair?
\nMe here at last on the ground,
\nYou in mid-air..
\nWhere are the clowns?<\/p>\n
Isn\u2019t it bliss?
\nDon\u2019t you approve?
\nOne who keeps tearing around,
\nOne who can\u2019t move\u2026
\nWhere are the clowns?
\nSend in the clowns.<\/p>\n
Just when I\u2019d stopped opening doors,
\nFinally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
\nMaking my entrance again with my usual flair
\nSure of my lines\u2026
\nNo one is there.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t you love farce?
\nMy fault, I fear.
\nI thought that you\u2019d want what I want\u2026
\nSorry, my dear!
\nAnd where are the clowns
\nSend in the clowns
\nDon\u2019t bother, they\u2019re here.<\/p>\n
Isn\u2019t it rich?
\nIsn\u2019t it queer?
\nLosing my timing this late in my career.
\nAnd where are the clowns?
\nThere ought to be clowns\u2026
\nWell, maybe next year.\u201d<\/p>\n
(\u201cSend in the Clowns\u201d written by Stephen Sondheim for the 1973 musical \u201cA Little Night Music\u201d)<\/p>\n
Isn\u2019t it rich?
\nDoes this seem fair?
\nAll of our laughter
\nHas turned to despair.<\/p>\n
I guess I will be graceful and say that I\u2019ll remember our friendship as a good thing and as a good time in my life. One that should have lasted a lifetime. You will say I cut it short, and I will say you did. And then we both have the nerve to wonder why the world is the way it is.<\/p>\n
Sometimes when you walk away from something you learn nothing and that is a waste. Other times you walk away from something and you learn a great deal; it was worth something. Sometimes you lose something that you can\u2019t replace and you never miss it at all. Sometimes you lose something that you can\u2019t replace and there\u2019s a hole in your life for the rest of your life and nothing else and no one else can ever fill.<\/p>\n
When you walked away, you left a hole in my life that nothing else and no one can ever fill. I\u2019ve learned to live with it, but I will never learn to like it,<\/p>\n
But all this pain and sorry has not been a waste. I\u2019ve learned a lot. I\u2019ve learned who my friends are and who my friends are not. I\u2019ve learned what love is and what love is not. I\u2019ve learned what friendship is and what friendship is not.<\/p>\n
I hope I\u2019m wrong about you. I hope you\u2019ll forgive me and I hope, in the end, we can share a laugh again.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure getting tired of hearing nothing but echoes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We Were Friends At first I pretended. I tricked myself into thinking it didn\u2019t matter much that you were no longer my friend. Sometimes I make life too complicated: We were good friends and then we weren\u2019t \u2013 it\u2019s as simple as that. It\u2019s kind of like being told you have a terminal illness \u2013 at first you\u2026 Read More »<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13536,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[228],"tags":[1720,1820],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13535"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13535"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13537,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13535\/revisions\/13537"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13536"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}