{"id":9020,"date":"2015-01-28T16:21:28","date_gmt":"2015-01-28T21:21:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/?p=9020"},"modified":"2015-01-30T18:07:24","modified_gmt":"2015-01-30T23:07:24","slug":"my-anti-super-bowl-party-watch-leave-it-to-beaver-with-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/my-anti-super-bowl-party-watch-leave-it-to-beaver-with-me\/","title":{"rendered":"My Anti Super Bowl Party – Watch Leave It to Beaver With Me!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Come to My Anti Super Bowl Party<\/h1>\n

For one brief but ugly moment last week I deserted the cynic inside me. I left the comfort of cynicism intoxicated by the sweet poison of hope. Don\u2019t worry. I\u2019m back in full vigor now. No more rose-colored glasses for me. There is comfort in cynicism. I have my blankie back. I am my old cynical self again.<\/p>\n

This Sunday is \u201cSuper Bowl Sunday\u201d. I notice that restaurants and some stores in my little town are closing early because of it. I find it odd that Bob Evans, which closed at 8:00PM on Christmas Eve, is closing at 7:00PM on Super Bowl Sunday. The sign on the door says \u201cWe will be closing at 7:00 PM on Sunday, February 1, 2014 for the Super Bowl.\u201d The store where I buy my daily newspaper also has a sign on its door. The sign reads: \u201cWe will be closing at 8:00 PM on Sunday, February 1, 2015 for the Super Bowl.\u201d That same store closed at 10:00 PM on Christmas Eve. You have to love this.<\/p>\n

The USA is spying on its own citizens, leaders of friendly nations, our cell phone calls; we\u2019re involved in two wars and aching to get into another, there are shootings at malls and schools, yet we are all excited about a football game – it’s great to be a cavalier American! You have to admire America\u2019s ability to shrug stuff off and carry on \u2014 it must be leftover from our days as members of the British Empire \u2014 you know stiff upper lip and carry on\u2026and that sort of thing.<\/div>\n
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We laugh in the face of hunger and sneer at the sorry state of world affairs \u2014 \u00a0every grocery store I’ve visited has aisles full of chips, beer, pop and snacks all presented in gala \u201cSuper Bowl Party\u201d settings. Festive banners and ribbons and streamers abound. No one would ever guess that the world had a single problem.<\/div>\n
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It’s Super Bowl Weekend! \u00a0What me worry?<\/div>\n
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Restaurants in my town are closing early, because it seems they think that everyone will be home eating pizza rolls, pizza, sandwiches, and drinking beer? What about me? Or are they using the Super Bowel as an excuse to send employees home early and save a few bucks on their \u00a0minimum wage salaries? \u00a0I am not going to watch the Super Bowl. I might want to go out to eat after 7 PM or buy a newspaper after 8 PM. I have no choice but to sit home and brood. One thing for sure I will not watch the Super Bowl or care what the score is \u2014 or who won.<\/div>\n
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Do you even remember who won last year?<\/div>\n
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Whatever network is carrying the game is off the air from 12:00 noon until 12:00 midnight as far as I\u2019m concerned. Did you hear that coverage of the game starts at 12:00 noon Eastern Time? Guess when kickoff is? Kickoff is at 6:28PM. Guess when the game will end? I\u2019m guessing somewhere around 10:30PM. You know they have a lot of high-dollar commercials to squeeze in. Lots of \u201cTV timeouts\u201d. The last time I watched a football game on TV, my beloved Ohio State Buckeyes versus the Oregon Ducks\u00a0( I can\u2019t remember which) \u00a0in the The National Championship Game (the Bucks crushed the Ducks – Go Bucks!), the commercials were so long I almost forgot what was going on in the game. That was a great game.<\/div>\n
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But all this hoopla over a football game between two teams from the same league who’ve \u00a0played before? The Seattle Seahawks versus the New England Patriots? They both have arrogant coaches who look like they’ve been sucking on lemons. Pete Carroll – Seattle’s coach – has had many Botox treatments though, so his sour puss has been face-lifted by Hollywood’s best. (Don’t sue me, Pete! It’s the truth, I tells ya!)<\/div>\n
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The Seahawks \u00a0usually play in mist and fog and the Patriots play in a cold place where all the fans carry flasks.People are paying hundreds of dollars, even thousands of dollars, for tickets to the Super Bowl. In case you want to go, you can\u2019t \u2013it\u2019s sold out. Companies are paying tens of millions of dollars to advertise during the Super Bowl. People are spending their last dollars on junk food, beer, and soda pop for their \u201cSuper Bowl Parties\u201d yet, here in the richest country in the world, millions of kid will go to bed hungry or without a decent place to live. You gotta love our priorities!<\/div>\n
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We must look like fools to the rest of the world. We have become a bunch of infantile whiners who complain about losing our jobs and our homes while we spend money we supposedly don\u2019t have on potato chips, Fritos, Pepsi, chip dip, Miller Lite, Bud Lite, and other nutritious foods that build strong bellies twelve ways. It\u2019s important to have a Super Bowl Party and sit a around a 92\u2033Super High Definition LCD TV\u2013 it\u2019s only $98.00 a month at Chp\u2019s Rent-to-Own\u2013 and guzzle alcohol while unabashedly engaging in gluttonous revelry. All because why? Because the Seattle Seahawks from the land of mist and fog are playing the New England Patriots who are coached by the world’s most dour and arrogant man.<\/div>\n
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All that money wasted. Just think of the number of families that could be fed if just one of the advertisers gave to the poor what one 30-second Super Bowl commercial costs. It doesn\u2019t seem very fair, does it? Tomorrow those same reveler s will be complaining they don\u2019t have they money to pay their mortgages or buy gas for the SUVs \u2013 some won\u2019t even have lunch money for their kids. So what? They saw the Stupor Bowl.<\/div>\n
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Poor kids.Two more things\u2026If you\u2019re one of those people who don\u2019t care about football but are going to watch it for the commercials, let me tell you something. \u00a0That’s kind of like not going to church all year long but suddenly showing up at church on Easter Sunday.<\/p>\n

And about those commercials…Those commercials cost millions of dollars per minute. Do you think Budweiser, PepsiCo, and the other advertisers are actually paying for those? Really? They\u2019re not, you know. You\u2019re paying for those. Every dollar they spend gets figured into their cost of doing business and when the cost gets too high and their profits get too low they\u2019ll raise the price of their products and you\u2019ll end up paying the price.<\/p>\n

So laugh at the commercials if you want. Just remember, in the end, those companies are going to stick it to you and they\u2019ll be laughing at you when you pay $20 for a six-pack of Busch Light.<\/p>\n

Take a look at how much PepsiCo paid in bonuses to their executives last year. Still laughing? If you really want to laugh and save time, just visit www.youtube.com<\/a> the day after the game. You can watch all the commercials there without sitting through almost 4 hours of over-hyped football. You can even watch YouTube videos while you chomp on chips and swill beer. I know. I’ve done it.<\/p>\n

If there is anyone else out there who isn’t taken in by all the hyperbole \u2014 you folks in New England\u00a0and Seattle\u00a0are excused \u2014 you\u2019re welcome to come to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. It starts at 7:00PM. At 8:00PM I\u2019m going to turn on NetFlix and watch 7 straight episodes of “Leave It to Beaver”. Do you remember Eddie Haskell?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m having snacks too. You can have your choice of salad or you can choose one of my Lean Cuisine frozen dinners. If you get the munchies, I have pretzel rods and low-fat popcorn. I also have light beer and I think there is some wine left over from Christmas \u2013 you can have your choice. I didn’t buy any extra food, munchies or beverages for my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I will eat the stuff I already have. If I run out, you\u2019ll just have to settle for the Beaver\u00a0on my little 32\u2033 LCD TV. No 92\u2033 plasma TV here. If you’re worried about my food supply – you can bring your own. I have paper plates and plastic forks and spoons.<\/p>\n

I have plenty of coffee and water too. So if you get thirsty and the beer and wine are gone, you can have your choice between coffee or water. You won\u2019t go thirsty at my Anti-Super Bowl Party. I might even have a few jelly donuts too. Don\u2019t complain though \u2013 when they\u2019re gone, they\u2019re gone – I’d go out and buy more but, remember? Everything is closed at 7 for Super Bowl Sunday. But\u2014don\u2019t come early just for the jelly donuts. I will not answer the door before 7:00PM. I probably won\u2019t be dressed properly until then.<\/p>\n

I might decide not to answer the door after 7.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0seven episodes of beaver\u00a0should be over by 9:45, so you\u2019ll get home in plenty of time to get some sleep so you can get up for work the next morning. We don\u2019t have any \u201cpost Beaver\u201d interviews or analysis scheduled although that would be fun. I won\u2019t have any camera crews in the locker room because I don’t have a locker room – we could all crowd into my bedroom but I don’t think so. \u00a0When the Beavers over, you\u2019ll be expected to leave without delay pr complaint. By 10:00PM I\u2019ll be ready for bed \u2013 bleary eyed and sleepy. You can only come to my Anti-Super Bowl party if you promise to leave right after the Beaver\u00a0is over. We\u2019re not going to sit around and talk or pretend to enjoy each other\u2019s company; I hate small talk almost as much as I hate the Super Bowl – you’ve been warned!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be hospitable as long as you\u2019re quiet during the Beaver and don\u2019t complain about the food. You can have all you want to drink but if I run out, you\u2019ll either have to leave or go without \u2013 oh yeah… the tap water is free \u2014 help yourself. It\u2019s the best I can do. We\u2019re counting our pennies around here, and I am not going out to buy a bunch of junk just because you\u2019re coming to my Anti-Super Bowl Party. Bring your own food if you eat a lot. If my party sounds like a great evening to you, you\u2019re my kind of person.<\/p>\n

Bring some food and drink… party hearty!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Come to My Anti Super Bowl Party For one brief but ugly moment last week I deserted the cynic inside me. I left the comfort of cynicism intoxicated by the sweet poison of hope. Don\u2019t worry. I\u2019m back in full vigor now. No more rose-colored glasses for me. There is comfort in cynicism. I have my blankie back.\u2026 Read More »<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[228],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9020"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9020"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9020\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9040,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9020\/revisions\/9040"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9020"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9020"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thundercloud.net\/infoave\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9020"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}