Cloudeight InfoAve Weekly

Cloudeight InfoAve Weekly
Issue #1059
Volume 21 Number 13
January 26, 2024

Dear Friends,

Welcome to Cloudeight InfoAve Weekly Issue #1059. Thank you very much for subscribing and for being a part of our Cloudeight family. We appreciate your friendship and support very much!  Please share our newsletters and our website with your friends and family.

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Sue has a question about Internet speed
Hi guys, I have a question about internet speed. I have Xfinity, I'm supposed to be getting (up to) 400 Mbps. I ran speed tests on 3 devices phone, 2 laptops...my main laptop is HP 15-AY009DX-purchased 2017-installed RAM 6.00 GB-5.89 GB usable and Lenovo ThinkPad Yoga 11e 5th Gen-purchased 2021-installed RAM 4.00-3.80 GB usable. The test on the phone showed over 400 Mbps, and both laptops showed approx. 240 Mbps. The HP always tested over the 400 until about 6 or 8 months ago, I never tested the Lenovo before this. The internet on both is slow with a lot of freezing (worse on the HP). Before I contact Xfinity-which as we know is a nightmare. I wanted to get your opinions or suggestions on this situation. I can have a session set up to check everything out if you think I should. Thanks for ALL your help over the years!

Our answer
Hi Sue. Thanks for your long-time support and your kind words.

First, we can't improve internet speeds remotely, internet speeds are determined by many factors but not Windows itself.
 
Your varying speeds could be due to distance from the router, capacity/age of the wireless cards in the laptops, etc. It may well be that the speed you're showing on the phone is not correct and the speeds shown on the laptops are correct. Are you using a reliable speed testing site? Are you using the same speed testing site for both the laptops and the smartphone?  Try a different site for all your devices.  For instance, try www.speedtest.net on each device. Are the speeds still vastly different?
 
I have two computers sitting within two feet of each other - one shows 500 Mbps and one shows 280 Mbps. Each has a different network (wireless) card with different limits. My Android phone shows 331.62 Mbps when in the same location as my two laptops. And remember Mbps is not Megabytes per second - it's megabits per second. 100 Mbps = 12.5 megabytes per second.  You can, if you wish, buy a USB wireless adapter with a high-speed rating and plug that into your laptop and connect through it, but I don't think even your lowest speed is "slow".
 
Any computer nowadays with less than 8GB of RAM is not going to be a computer you're going to want to multitask on; 4GB of RAM is simply not enough RAM anymore. You should have at least 8GB of RAM on any computer running Windows 10 or Windows 11. If you try to multitask on a computer with 4 GB of RAM you're going to notice a lot of non-responsive programs (freezing) because when your computer runs out of physical memory it reverts to virtual memory which is created by using free hard drive space and it very slow.
 
I hope this helps you, Sue.

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Margaret has issues with the Chrome settings drop-down menu
When I click on the three dots on the top-right or Chrome, the menu appears, but to move to a particular area, the up and down arrows go so fast that I am unable to click on anything. It never was that way before the Google Chrome update. It may just be something on my computer but thank you for your help.
 
Our answer
Hi Margaret. You should only see a tiny down arrow key on the drop-down menu at the very bottom - as shown in the screenshot below.

Chrome Menu - Cloudeight InfoAve

I am not sure what you mean when you say up and down arrows.

If all else fails, you can scroll up and down on the menu by using the arrow keys on your keyboard which are usually located in the bottom right corner of your keyboard. Using this method you can scroll up and down the menu one item at a time. I hope this helps you, Margaret.
---------
Margaret wrote back: "TC: Thank you so very much. I am using the arrows and it works! I also use your good tips to clean out my computer each day. Temp files, browsing history, etc. I appreciate your help. Have a Blessed Day. Margaret"

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Uwe has a problematic Windows 10 Update
Hi Folks. I have an issue with the Windows updates. I got the message that Windows is unable to install the update. Not sure what to do. Should I just not be concerned about it? Maybe it's not an important update. Enclosed are three screenshots from 1-3. Could you take a look at the screenshots and give your advice on what I should do? Thanks for your help. Uwe.

Our answer
Hi Uwe. Windows 10 Update issues are common and normally resolve given time. It's almost impossible to fix then - although you'll find time-consuming "fixes" all over online.. most of them don't work and can make things worse. Your update failed on 1/9/24 which was yesterday. Even Microsoft allows you to defer updates for 35 days - so your system is not in danger. Most patches are proactive - patching known security issues before they're discovered "in the wild" to be exploited ... which normally takes months. We have found that Windows 10 update issues normally resolve themselves in a week or two - so there is no reason to panic.  Windows error codes are mostly meaningless when it comes to updates. So patience is what we advise.

You can, if you want, try using the Windows Update Troubleshooter by going to this page and selecting Windows 10 (that page has both Windows 11 and Windows 10 troubleshooters listed).

I hope this eases your mind and helps you.

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Patricia is trying to set up a new Windows 11 laptop
 I'm trying to get a new laptop set up and when I get to the set a PIN page, the cursor stops working and I can't type anything in. That's where I can't do anything more except shut it down with the button. I did read online somewhere that this is often an issue with a new Windows 11, but I'm not savvy enough to figure out what to do.
 
Our answer
Hi Patricia. That does sound like a perplexing problem. I have not heard about it being a problem that a great many users are having.  Here are some things you can try.

Perform a Hard Reset: A hard reset can resolve many issues. Turn off the laptop, unplug all external devices and the power cord, hold down the power button for about 15 seconds, reconnect the power cord, and turn the laptop back on.

Are you using a mouse or a touchpad? If you're using a mouse make sure it's working correctly and its batteries are charged. If you're using a touchpad, try using a mouse. If you don't have one, you can buy an inexpensive corded USB mouse for around $10. If you use a mouse make sure the Touchpad is turned off. Type Touchpad in the taskbar search and press Enter. When you see Touchpad settings appear. Toggle the Touch On/Off switch to Off.

Update touchpad drivers

1  Open Device Manager. Windows key + X to open the hidden Start menu and click on Device Manager.

2  To find touchpad devices, select Human Interface Devices or Mice and other pointing devices, then right-click the device you'd like to update.

3  Select Update Driver.

Reinstall touchpad drivers

1 Right-click the name of the device, then select Uninstall device.

2 Select Uninstall and then restart your PC.

3 Windows will attempt to reinstall the driver.

Some laptops have a physical key that disables the touchpad to prevent accidental touches. Look for a key with a touchpad icon on your keyboard and press it to toggle the touchpad on or off.

If your laptop has a numeric keyboard you can use it to move your cursor (mouse pointer). To turn on "Use your keyboard to control your mouse", type ACCESSIBILITY MOUSE in the taskbar search & press Enter. Toggle the switch next to the Mouse keys to On.  Leave the rest of the settings at default. Press the Num lock key to use your numeric keyboard to move your cursor. If your cursor freezes when trying to change your PIN press the Num Lock key and use the Numeric keypad to move your cursor.

Run SFC and DISM scans to fix any corrupted or missing Windows files. See this page for a tutorial.

I hope one of these suggestions helps you, Patricia.

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Cloudeight Internet

We've helped hundreds and hundreds of you with your computers since we started our Cloudeight Direct Computer Care Service! If you're having computer problems - we CAN help you!

We all know that sooner or later our computers are going to start having problems. We can help you with any computer need -- from diagnosing and fixing Windows problems - to setting up a wireless network for you - to safeguarding by creating an image-based backup (the only kind that really works when you really need it to work) - to cleaning up your computer and optimizing it -- and more. We can do almost anything you need done and we guarantee our work - you're either satisfied or we'll refund your money.

We connect to your computer and fix it while you watch

We will connect to your computer via the Internet and fix any problems you may be having. You can watch us work and chat with us while we do. If you have any computer questions you'd like to ask we'll be glad to answer them for you.  We don't just fix your computer, we explain what we're doing and why we're doing it and we are right there with the entire time. Since we've started we've helped hundreds of you with your computer problems and we've received dozens of referrals and testimonials from our readers and customers.

We offer many other computer services too! If you have a problem with your computer - we can fix it!

Get more information about Cloudeight Direct Computer Care and or get your repair keys here.

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George wants to transfer files from one computer to another
I couldn't locate your write-up on how to transfer info from old to new computer. Could you give me a link?

Our answer
Hi George. We'll do better than that. We'll give you a quick summary and a link to a more detailed article about transferring files.

Here is the way we recommend to transfer (copy) files/folders from one computer to another.

1. First you’ll need an external hard drive. An inexpensive 1 terabyte would be adequate for this. You can buy one from Walmart, Best Buy, Amazon, etc. for around $50

2. Plug the external drive into a USB port on your old computer and copy the entire C:\Users\Your Username folder to the external drive. If you are not sure of your account username, open a Command Prompt (type COMMAND in the taskbar search and press Enter). Type WHOAMI and press Enter.

3. Unplug the external drive from the old PC and plug it into the new one.
 
4. Open the username folder on the external drive.
 
     a. Open the documents folder – select all the files inside it (CTRL+A to select all files and CTRL+C to copy them).
 
     b. Open the documents folder on the new computer and paste (CTRL+V) all the files you copied from the external drive to the Documents folder on the new PC.
 
Repeat a and b with the Pictures folder, Music folder, Video folder, and Favorites folder.
 
One thing to remember is that you should never just copy the documents/pictures/music/etc. folders on the external folder to the corresponding folders on the new PC. If you do you’ll have a mess where clicking “Documents” opens a folder with another folder called “Documents” inside for example. Always open the folder on the external drive, select all the files/folders inside, and copy them to the corresponding folder on the new PC.

And, as promised, here is the link to the complete article about transferring files from one computer to another.

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Roger says all his labels (folders) in Gmail have disappeared
All my folders (labels) in Gmail disappeared. All the labels are turned on but still nothing changes.

Our answer
Hi Roger. Let's try the easiest solution first.

Make sure the main menu is not collapsed. If it is, you won't see any labels. If your main menu is collapsed all you have to do to "uncolllapse" it is to click on the hamburger icon (3 horizontal lines) at the top-right.
 
Gmail menu - Cloudeight InfoAve
 
Gmail Menu Cloudeight InfoAve

I hope that helps you, Roger. If not, let me know, there are other things you can try.

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Allen is looking at changing computers and comparing laptops to iPads

It is time for me to make some changes to my computing. When I started looking around I looked at laptops but also iPads. Computers looking good but iPads are looking good also. I was wondering if you have any history with iPads, If I need help, do you work with iPads? Thanks again for all your help. Allen.

Our answer
Hi Allen.  I don't have an iPad but I've used one (my granddaughter has one). I do own a Samsung tablet. There's hardly any difference between an iPad and an Android tablet as far as how they work. They're fine for checking email. reading, browsing the web, etc.  But you can't do any multi-tasking and the kinds of things you can do on a tablet are limited. Unless you get one with a keyboard that you can attach, you can't do much typing on the onscreen keyboard. And if you get an iPad with a keyboard attached, you would have been further ahead to get a laptop, many of which have full-sized keyboards. Small laptops are more useful than tablets. I would go with a laptop. For what an iPad + keyboard costs,  you could buy a very nice Windows laptop.  Also, we don't offer repair or help services for iPads.

Having both a tablet and a laptop gives you the best of both worlds, but if you are comparing iPads with laptops, in my book, laptops are much more useful.

This is just my opinion, of course.
 
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Reg Organizer: Cloudeight recommended and endorsed.

Now available: Reg Organizer 9.311

If you purchased or renewed Reg Organizer through Cloudeight within the last 12 months, you're entitled to a free version upgrade to Reg Organizer 9.31. Works great with Windows 10 and Windows 11!!

Save $14 on Reg Organizer right now!!

Reg Organizer - A Swiss Army Knife of Windows Tools - Works Great on Windows 10 and Windows 11!!

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Cloudeight InfoAve Premium -Tips & Tricks

How to Change Your Browser’s Default Search Engine
Windows 10/Windows 11 & Chrome, Edge, or Firefox browsers

In this tip, we’ll show you how to change the default search engine on the desktop (Windows) versions of the three most popular browsers, Google Chrome, Microsoft Edge, and Mozilla Firefox.

Surprisingly, for those of you who like DuckDuckGo, Chrome, Edge, and Firefox it is easy for you to make DuckDuckGo the default search engine instead of Google or Bing. This is not a recommendation to use DuckDuckGo – we are just showing you that DuckDuckGo is an option in Chrome, Edge, and Firefox.

OK, ready? Here’s how to change your default search engine in the three most popular browsers.

Google Chrome

To change the default search engine in Google Chrome, follow these steps:

  • Open Google Chrome.
  • Type or copy & paste chrome://settings/search
    in the address bar and press Enter.

    Change search engines in your favorite browser. Cloudeight
  • Scroll down to the “Search engine” section and click on the down arrow to the right of “Search engine to be used in the address bar”.
  • \
    Set search engine - Google Chrome - Cloudeight
  • In the “Search engines” list, click on the search engine you would like to use as your default engine when you search from the Address bar. (See screenshot above”
  • Next, click on “Manage search engines and site search”
  • Under “Search engines”  click the 3 horizontal dots to the right of the search engine you want to use and click “Make default” (see screenshot below):

    Change Default Search Engine - Google Chrome - Cloudeight
  • Close the “Settings” tab and your new default search engine will be used from now on.

Note: If you don’t see the search engine you want to use in the list, you can add it by clicking on the “Add a new search engine” button and following the on-screen instructions.

Microsoft Edge

  • Type or copy & paste edge://settings/search in the address bar

    .Change default search in Edge - Cloudeight
  • Scroll down the page until you find  “Search engine used in the address bar”. \


  • Next, click the little down arrow (see screenshot above) and choose whichever one you want. The default choices are Yahoo, Google, and DuckDuckGo.
  • You can add more search engines if you want but those choices should be enough to get you started.

Mozilla Firefox

  • Type or copy & paste about:preferences#search in the Firefox address bar.

    type about:preferences#search in the Firefox address bar. Cloudeight
  • Under “Default Search Engine” click the down arrow next to the current default search engine (see screenshot below)…

    Change default search in Friefox - Cloudeight
  • Select the search engine you want to set as your default from the menu that appears.
    Choose your default search engine in Firefox. Cloudeight InfoAve
  • After you make your choice the search engine you chose will be your default.
  • As with Chrome and Edge, Firefox allows you to add more search engines to the list of search engine choices.

And now you know how to change the default search engine in your favorite browser. 

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The Windows Logo Key Plus 9 Useful Windows Key Shortcuts
Windows 10 & Windows 11

The Windows key (more correctly called the Windows logo key) when used in combination with a letter (or symbol or number) on your keyboard is called a Windows key shortcut.

The Windows key  or Windows logo key looks like this:

Widnows key up close / Cloudeight

For those of you who don't know, the Windows key is generally located on the bottom row of your keyboard between the Ctrl key and the Alt key. On laptops, it is usually located between the Fn key and the Alt key.

Windows key location on desktop or all-in-one / Cloudeight
Above: Windows logo key location on desktops or all-in-ones.  Below:  Windows logo key location on laptops.

Windows logo key location on laptops / Cloudeight

Here are some Windows logo key shortcuts we hope you'll find useful.

1> A quick way to search

Press the Windows logo key + S to open the search box. You can search your computer or the web from Windows Search for people, email, and files in local and shared sites, or from the web.

2> Quickly access Widgets (Windows 11 only)

Press the Windows logo key + W to go right to your widgets board.

3> Take a screenshot

Press the Windows logo key+ Shift + S to capture all or part of your screen or any image, then save and share.

4> Access Clipboard History

Press the Windows logo key + V to save recent copied or cut items on the clipboard so you can paste them into other apps or sync across devices. (Windows Clipboard History must be turned on - see this page to learn more.)

5> Express yourself with Emoji

Press the Windows logo key + period (.) to search for images, symbols, or icons to express emotions or communicate playfully without words. You’ll find kaomoji and GIFs here too! (●'◡'●) 😎🥵😹💂‍♀️👩‍⚖️🍟🍔

6> Speak instead of type

Press the Windows logo key   + H to use speech recognition to convert spoken words into text anywhere on your PC. Requires that you have a microphone and that it is set up and ready to use.

7> Minimize all open apps on your desktop and quickly bring them back again.

Press the Windows logo key + D to quickly minimize all your open apps so you can get to your desktop. Press them again to bring everything back.

8> Quickly lock your screen

Press the Windows logo key + L to quickly lock your screen so others can’t access your PC (assuming you use a password, PIN, etc.

9> Quickly change settings

Press the Windows logo key + A to get to commonly used settings like volume, brightness, and Wi-Fi. Find your Accessibility settings here, too.

One more thing...

If you're using Windows 11, when you press the Windows logo key plus the period key (.), you can access keyboard symbols, GIFs, and more.

Have a nice day /Windows Emoji board, Windows 11 (Cloudeight) 

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Customize the Windows 11 Start Menu 
Windows 11

Most people loved the list-style start menu from Windows XP, Windows Vista, and Windows 7. But Windows 8, with its large tiled menu, was a flop, and Windows 10 tried a hybrid of Windows 8's tiles and Windows 7's program list menu.

Still, many folks opted out of the Windows 10 menu and installed ClassicShell, OpenShell, or one of the many other apps that made Windows 10's Start menu look a whole lot more like the Windows 7 Start menu.

Then, along came Windows 11, with its version of a hybrid menu which we rather like, but some people don't. But you can customize the Windows 11 Start menu and make it quite functional and more the way you want it.

Get an alphabetical Start menu showing a list of all installed apps

First, you can easily find an alphabetical "List" style menu by clicking on "All apps" in the top-right corner. This shows all of your installed apps/programs in an alphabetical list.

All About the Windows 11 Start Menu -Cloudeight

All About the Windows 11 Start Menu -Cloudeight

Customizing the Windows 11 Start menu

Besides displaying your installed apps and programs in the old tried-and-true alpha listing, the Windows 11 Start menu is very customizable. Here are some things you can change...

Here are some of the things you can do to customize the Windows 11 Start menu.

What a drag it is ...

The Windows 11 Start menu does not show your apps and programs in alphabetical order. You can drag them into any order you want them. If you're like us you'll want the programs you use most at the top. So drag the app/program icons around to further customize the Windows 11 Start menu.

Make it just the way you want it

Right-click on the Start menu, to access "Start settings" which will give you a lot of control over how the Windows 11 Start menu looks and works.

All About the Windows 11 Start Menu -Cloudeight

In the screenshot above, you can see that you can opt to see more apps/programs on the Start menu (More pins), Default (default pins & recommendations), and "More recommendations".  If you're like us, you'll want to choose the "More pins" option to display the most installed apps and programs.

More Ways to Customize the Windows 11 Start Menu

Choose which folders appear along the bottom of the Start menu by turning the switch next to them "On" to show that particular folder and "Off" to hide it.

All About the Windows 11 Start Menu -Cloudeight

All About the Windows 11 Start Menu -Cloudeight

The folders you've turned on will show up as icons along the bottom (right side) of the Start menu as you can see in the screenshot below. Your username will appear at the bottom left.

All About the Windows 11 Start Menu -Cloudeight

Oh, and one more thing...

If you want to customize the color of your Start menu... just click on "Changing Start menu  color" or just go to Settings >Personalization > Colors

\

Still don't like the Windows Start Menu?

And if, after all of this, you still find yourself yearning for a Windows 7 or Windows 10-style Start menu, see this post. 

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Want more tips, tricks, and information??

We have thousands of Windows tips, tricks, and more on our InfoAve website.

Subscribe to our free InfoAve Daily newsletter.

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Cloudeight Internet

We've helped hundreds and hundreds of you with your computers since we started our Cloudeight Direct Computer Care Service! If you're having computer problems - we CAN help you!!

We all know that sooner or later our computers are going to start having problems. We can help you with any computer need -- from diagnosing and fixing Windows problems - to setting up a wireless network for you - to safeguarding by creating an image-based backup (the only kind that really works when you really need it to work) - to cleaning up your computer and optimizing it -- and more. We can do almost anything you need to be done and we guarantee our work - you're either satisfied or we'll refund your money.

We connect to your computer and fix it while you watch

We will connect to your computer via the Internet and fix any problems you may be having. You can watch us work and chat with us while we do. If you have any computer questions you'd like to ask we'll be glad to answer them for you.  We don't just fix your computer, we explain what we're doing and why we're doing it and we are right there with the entire time. Since we've started we've helped hundreds of you with your computer problems and we've received dozens of referrals and testimonials from our readers and customers..

We offer many other computer services too! If you have a problem with your computer - we can fix it!!

Get more information about Cloudeight Direct Computer Care and/or get your repair keys here.

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Cloudeight InfoAve Premium -Tips & Tricks    

41 Facts That Will Surprise Most Intelligent People + A Cloudeight Site Pick

Cloudeight Site Pick - The Hearty Soul

Our site pick today is a page on a website and also the website itself. I am always fascinated by things I think I know but don’t. Here are some examples of what today’s site pick has to offer.

A strawberry is not a berry, but a banana is a berry.

Mosquitoes have killed more humans than all wars in history,

In an average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator,

The naked mole rat is immune to cancer and can live with almost no oxygen.

An average adult contains 7 quintillion joules of potential energy (or, 30 hydrogen bombs).

That’s only 5 of the 41 facts most intelligent people don’t know. I didn’t know any of those five and only a few of the 36 other facts on our site pick and page pick today.

We’re going to share the intro to the site/page right now and then come back and tell you more about the website itself.

41 Facts About the World That Will Surprise the Most Intelligent People

Nowadays, anyone with a Wi-Fi connection has the world at their fingertips. Literally. Thanks to Google and other sites like it, you can know basically everything in and about our world. But, in reality, there are still countless mysteries in the world that are still unsolved. But that said, countless mind-blowing facts about the world also exist! So, we’ve compiled 41 worldly facts that are sure to make even the most intelligent and knowledgeable person wide-eyed and surprised – and here they are!

But not quite yet folks. 41 Facts About the World That Will Surprise the Most Intelligent People is but one page – an introduction if you will – to a great site full of fascinating articles called “The Hearty Soul”. Here is just a small sample of the dozens of interesting articles you’ll find when you visit “The Hearty Soul”.

15 Unhealthiest Drinks On the Planet (+ 7 Healthy Alternatives)

Cancer Deaths Are Declining, but Troubling Rise in Colon and Breast Cancer in Young Adults, Report Says

Your Bottled Water is Filled With ‘Nanoplastics,’ New Study Reveals

15 Changes In Your Health You Should Never Ignore

Memories Of Music Cannot Be Lost During Various Stages Of Alzheimer’s Disease

6 Reasons We’re Fatter Than 30 Years Ago, It’s Not Only Food Or Exercise…

So after you get done reading “41 Facts About the World That Will Surprise the Most Intelligent People“, you’ll want to visit the main site called “The Hearty Soul“.

41 Facts About the World That Will Surprise the Most Intelligent People

The Hearty Soul

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Help us with a small donation!

We gladly help everyone who writes every day by answering their questions and helping to solve their computer problems. Please help us continue to do that!!

Make a small donation and help us help you!!

If you don't need any of our products or services right now, please help us with a donation. Even the smallest gift is appreciated. Every donation helps us to provide useful information that helps you with your computer as well as helps us to keep you safe on the Internet. We offer free help to thousands of people every year... and we offer an honest and inexpensive computer repair service too. We do everything we can to help you with your computer and keep you safe too..

So if you don't need any of our products or services right now,, please help us by making a donation right now.

Interested in making a monthly gift? Visit this page.

Thank you so much for your support!

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Cloudeight InfoAve Premium - Essays , Rants, etc.

Scammers Keep On Exploiting Senior Citizens

We’ve been doing computer repair work since 2011. In the past 13 years, we have worked on thousands of computers and we’ve seen and heard just about everything. All too frequently we’ve seen computer repair services ripping off senior citizens.

Far too often we have learned of people paying hundreds of dollars for unnecessary computer work that didn’t fix anything. Far too many times we have helped people who were frightened by some computer repair crook who told them that their computer was corrupted, infected, or “hacked”. We see now, more than ever, companies that most consider legitimate preying on and scaring folks with the “dark web” threat, knowing full well that most people don’t know much at all about the dark web. Nothing frightens people more than the unknown.

We’ve watched dishonest companies prosper; we’ve seen crooks become wealthy. We’ve seen people scared into spending hundreds of dollars unnecessarily by one tech support scam or another.

Here’s a disturbing article...

Read the rest of this essay here.

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OE Classic & Cloudeight

THE ONLY CLOUDEIGHT-ENDORSED EMAIL PROGRAM

OE Classic is the only Cloudeight Endorsed Email Program - Very Similar to Windows Mail & Outlook Express!!

If you're looking for an email program that feels familiar and works much like Windows Mail & Outlook Express, OE Classic might be exactly what you've been looking for!!

Get more info here.

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Cloudeight InfoAve Premium - Back to Basics
 

Cloudeight InternetWhat is a platform?

Day after day, week after week, I manage to escape the noose that EB has prepared especially for my neck. She has the platform built and the knot tied. So when people ask her if she's going to tie the knot, she tells them she already has. She ties a good noose, no doubt about that. The problem is, I'm not too happy about for whom the noose tolls, or looking out the window and seeing the platform she has built to hasten my demise. I'm not a young man, folks, but I'd like to live out my years, not have them cut short by an angry EB wielding a noose!

Anyway, all this, I'm sure, is quite educational for you, but it has nothing to do with computers, and many of you are thinking this newsletter doesn't either. But I beg your collective pardon!

A platform is more than a gallows -- a place where EB tries to lure me. A platform, in computer terms, means an Operating System. Why don't they just call it an operating system? I don't know, but I'll ask EB after she's taken her tranquilizer. We don't just call it The Internet or The Web. Why do they call it "The Cloud"? It's for the same reason we call round York peppermint patties "candy bars" when they're not bars at all.

So when geeks and yuppies ask you what platform you are running, tell them Windows 11 -- or whatever. Of course, they'll scoff at you because you're supposed to say "EYE OH ES ELEVEN", or "LINUX WATERMELON" or Aunt Droid, or one of those non-Windows platforms, err I mean operating systems.

But fear not, folks, Bill Gates is returning to Microsoft and he's a visionary -- he'll make Windows cool again so that yuppies and geek types don't scowl at you when they ask you what platform you're using and you say Windows 10 or Windows 11 -- that would confuse them and have them running back to peruse the blogs thinking they missed something.

A platform, in computerese, simply means the operating system. A platform in EB-ese means a gallows. Take your pick! I'm sure by now you wouldn't mind if EB strung me up for grammatical crimes and misdemeanors.

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Cloudeight InfoAve Weekly - Issue #1059
Volume 21 Number 13
January 26, 2024

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