Dear Spud (or why you can’t trust your spell-checker)

By | October 3, 2013
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Dear Spud,

Thank ewe for your let her. Ewe will bee glad to nose that eye have taken your add vice and in stalled a spelling check her. Sew you will knot find a single spelling air in this let her. I made sure eye double-checked this in tire let her for ewe!

Eye was just thinking a bout the thymes long a go when I was a kid. Back then, eye used to live necks door to a man we culled Pop Corn. He was a rather thin man with balding hare and age spots. So, eye guest he was really old – but back then every won seemed old so eye am knot sure if he was or not. Ewe no how it is when ewe are young – every body seams old. Any way, Annie Way used to live in an apart meant on the second floor of Pop Corn’s house. Ewe could tell bye the way she acted that she was afraid of Pop Corn – he actual lee was a vary scary looking man. He had ice like a bug.

Eye can remember him setting on his porch on summer evening smoking his pipe surrounded by pup peas and kit tens. All of his pets were skin knee. Eye don’t think he fed them vary good come to think oven it. Anyway, Annie Way was a frayed of him so she normal lee staid a way from him unless she could knot a void him. On those rare occasions when she could knot a void him, he would stair at her with those huge buggy ice of his and ewe could see her tremble in fear and may be discussed be caws of the way he looked.

Now it’s not fare to judge some body bye the way they look – and we awl no it – but there our thymes when ewe just can knot help it. We are awl human, after awl. Eye used to think it was fun knee to watch Annie try to a void Pop Corn. She used to sneaker down the back stares and walk awl the way a round the yard just sew she would knot half to come near Pop Corn and see those buggy ice of his.

Any way, Annie Way used to date a guy named Brad Grammar. He was a nice guy who all ways brought the kids in the neighbor hood treats like suckers and candle bars. I think he was an English teach her at the local high school but eye am knot sure be caws eye was just a kid then and was only in the forth grade. High school was a long way off for me back in those daze.

Won day, Brad came to visit Annie and Pop Corn stopped him as his way up the stares to Annie’s apart meant. Eye guest the bug ice just got the bet her of Brad be caws he lost his tempera and when off on Pop Corn. He startled to scream and yellow at Pop Corn and it escalated into a tie raid of in salts.

Annie herd a com motion coming from porch be low and be came concerned. She was a frayed of going down stares be caws she did knot like to sea Pop Corn’s ice, especially when he lost his tempera. She did knot no watt to dew. She was a frayed for her boyfriend’s life yet she was evenly more a frayed for her own. So, wise lee she staid put.
In the mean thyme, Pop Corn was really getting angus at Brad and pro seeded to load his shot gun and chase Brad a way from his house. I can remember Brad running down the street with Pop Corn clothes be hind. If it would knot have been so serious, it would have been fun knee. Well, OK, it is fun knee now looking back on it be caws now I no that know won got hurt.

Knead less to say, Brad never came back to sea Annie and she took up with another boy whose name eye can knot recall. Brad ended up getting married to sum other girl whose name eye can knot remember – awl eye no of her is what we culled her back then, witch was Miss Spelling.

Pop Corn must have dyed since those daze. It’s been sew long ago now. Eye am growing old my selves now and eye can bear lee see good enough to type this let her to ewe.
Ewe no, it’s fun to remember the good old daze some thymes, but eye nose ewe can knot limp in the past. Life goes on and ewe must go with it, write?

Eye hope this let her fines ewe in good health and that ewe are as row bust as I remember ewe. It’s been a long thyme since we got together for corn bred and cab age. Wee will half to make a pointer of getting together soon – may bee wee should set a date write now bee four we fore get. Eye tell ewe watt! Eye can feel age creepy up on me mower and mower these daze. I am sew fore get full, sum daze I can knot recall my owner name – ha ha, eye yam certainly that ewe nose watt eye mean, write?

Take care. Let me nose when ewe want two meat fore cough fee or may be even sum fan sea dinner. Is Walt’s Diner still open? They awl ways had the best corn bred and cab age. Isn’t Walt’s the plates that had the good eye scream two? Eye yam all most sure it was – fresh straw barely eye scream! Yum!

Eye bet you’re really imp pressed with me. Ewe never thought that eye wood install a spelling-checker did ewe? I bet ewe half noticed that this let her contains knot a single spelling air. Are ewe hap pea now, Spud? Gee, you are such an old curmudgeon.
Eye look for ward to hear ring from ewe. I’m real lee anxious too get together sew wee can disgust old thymes again. Wee well half a ball!

Bee good now, and don’t dew any thing eye wood knot dew!

Take care, Spud…

Your friend,

PS: The necks thyme wee get together eye will beet ewe in a game of checkers. Ewe are sew bad at that game! Eye do knot think ewe can even spell checkers!

5 thoughts on “Dear Spud (or why you can’t trust your spell-checker)

  1. Ken Roberts

    Why dew I git nauseated win I reed this here let her . Whew!

  2. Joan G

    Strainj. Yer let her wus eezee ta reed. May bee wee shood re vize the dicshunnary fer awl of us.


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