The Fight Is On
The train has left the station
And I can see the track.
But I don’t know if I’m looking forward
Or if I’m looking back.
I’ve walked so many trails, so many miles, that looking back on them feels like a blur. Never did I imagine this spring that things would change so drastically. I’ve missed most of the summer walks, and now it looks like I’ll miss the crisp, bright autumn leaves that I’ve grown to love so much.
Life has a funny way of throwing us a curveball just when we forget how frail we are. Perhaps that’s the point—a reminder of our vulnerability, no matter how rich, powerful, or healthy we may be. We are all living by the grace of God.
For five years, I’ve walked over 8,000 miles, tramping through the cold and snow, the heat and sun, and reveling in the golden hues of autumn. I never thought about a beginning or an end—not the first mile, nor the last one before I fell ill. I simply took it all for granted. We live as if each day will be just like the one before, not giving a second thought to the idyllic chain of good fortune until something breaks it.
It’s easy to deflect and look away from the suffering all around us, and it’s not because we are callous. We have to focus on our own lives. I never turned a blind eye to the sick, but it’s hard to truly empathize when you’re healthy. When your own health starts to fail, an alarm goes off in your head. The older you are, the bigger the fight becomes, and you can’t help but wonder how much time and fight you have left.
You muster all the resolve you can and you fight on, because what else can you do? The walking trails don’t wait, but I hope they’ll be there if I can ever return. Here in August, I wonder if I’ll ever smell the crackling brightness of autumn on the trail again. I like to think so, but I have a bit of a fight ahead of me, and some days I’m not sure I’m up to it.
All those walks came to an end in July when I started feeling ill. At first, I thought it was just Covid, but the sickness never went away. I lost my appetite and my energy. I was so sore I could hardly stand up, let alone walk. I let myself sink into an abyss of sickness, ignoring all the warning signs until one day, my family gave me no choice. They took me to the hospital.
After five days of treatments, medicines, and tests, they let me come home. I was a shell of the man I was just a few months ago.
My walking stick leans against the wall, alone, waiting for me.
And I wonder.
The fight is on. I’m trying to muster the will to fight and win. It’s not easy at my age to conquer such a mountain of ailments, but I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I have more to do. I may have to make adjustments; I may have to give in a little. I may never walk four or five miles a day again, or walk the beautiful trail under the striking, bright blue canopy of autumn. But I will try. I will fight. I will give it all I have. If I only win a partial victory, I still win. And if I don’t, at least I tried.
I made the mistake of taking life for granted, and no one should ever do that. Every day, every moment, is golden. These moments will never come again. I’m gearing up for the fight, and while fatigue and weakness sometimes rear their ugly heads and knock me down, I won’t be discouraged. It’s my battle to win or lose—and I’m going to give it everything I have. If I lose, I lose. If I win, then I win more than just a victory; I win a big part of my life back.
And all along the way, I’ll be thankful for even the smallest victory. And for all my friends, near and far.
The fight is on.
Hi TC. Is this essay concerning you? If it is, I pray that you will be able to overcome. Hugs, Connie
TC:
I hope this essay is not concerning you. If it is you, just fight on. I remember a veteran that was wounded at on of the wars who said “just because you can’t do it the way you used to, doesn’t mean you can’t do it.
U.A.
No, I don’t think it’s about TC. It’s just another expression of his great literary talents. (I hope)
Anyway, his reflection reminds me of St. Paul’s letter to Timothy:
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
2 Timothy 4:7-8
(Now if it’s really you TC that you’re talking about we’ll keep you in our prayers, but please level with us so that we can keep you in our prayers.)
Add some prayer to all that determination and resolve. It can’t hurt and it could add more resolve to all that you presently have. Do what you can. Do as best as you can…and add some prayers. You got miles to go yet but you need to spend some time on recovery and rehab. You’re displaying the courage and determination that will help you … but most of all BELIEVE.
Praying for you to get more strength as you need it.
Prayers for you and those who are fighting to live. The week before July 4th I ended up in the hospital with
congested heart failure. After 4 days in the hospital I was released and now I am fighting to regain some strength so I am aware of fight. God bless you and all.
TC, I’m hoping for the best, if this is about you…fight on! You’ve helped so many folks for the past 20+ years, we’re hoping our vibes will help you! You’re a very important part of our lives, someone who’s listened, helped, and solved many of our problems! I think we’re about from the same era of life…so TC…rock on, peace brother! ❤️
I will keep you in my prayers. Please keep us posted..
Hi TC
As others have questioned, if this is you fighting that fight I can relate and tell you that it is worth it. Take the time needed to adjust to the changes you’ll need to make and you’ll find that life can retain its thrills with different activities and different ways of dealing with the days. I received a devastating diagnosis when I was 60 that forced me into early retirement and changed all my retirement plans. I was devastated and depressed, but I recovered and learned to live life differently. I discovered that finding something that makes you smile or even better laugh at each day is the best thing you can do for yourself. For me, the cat I got when I retired and the one I have now twenty years later have helped make that happen.
I will pray for you to get better, and may God give your good health back to you. I have followed you two for years, and you don’t know how many, many people you have helped. Not only that, but I love your humor and kindness.
Hello TC my friend,
You write these “stories” so well that’s it’s hard to tell where the truth ends and your literary genius begins. But after reading this, I’ve got a little knot in my stomach.
It’s the same knot that “Barton Keyes” had in “Double Indemnity”.
Our paths crossed near the end of this past July when we had a support session together to help set up my new Win11 PC.
I knew then from the emails we exchanged and the chat box, that all wasn’t well, you weren’t the TC I’ve come to know and care about.
So I don’t know if your story is (to paraphrase Scrooge), “are these the things that must be, or the things that might be”. Your writing is that good.
You’ve got me thinking about the lyrics in the song “Little Yellow Taxi” – ….you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
So I’m sending you my prayers that G-d will give you the strength to win your battle. Though you have a few years on me, you may be walking down the same path I’ve been walking for the past few years.
When I had to have a spinal fusion a few years ago, and it didn’t work out as I’d hoped, I realized that nothing in life can be taken for granted – everything we have is merely on loan to us. So I fight on like you, even when I feel I can’t go on, because I know my wife loves and needs me.
I’m sure your wife and family love and need you too – not to mention your “extended family” of all of us who look at you and Darcy as our friends.
You’ve got a lot of fight in you, and if all of this story is true, it will serve you well.
I will keep you in my prayers, you and your family.
May we all hear good news.
-Marty
(the guy who had a thousand and one questions)
I am very sorry but am heartened by your honesty, grit and determination. Whatever the outcome know that the impact you have had on so many of us has been substantive and that we are pulling for you.
I always tell my 90 yo husband that if he dies I’ll never talk to him again. TC, if you die, I will NEVER write another note asking for help – you hear? You really want that??
I hope this isn’t your personal tale but none of us get younger and it’s something we all have to face. I want you to know you are loved and a part of more lives than you know.
Darcie, be strong, my friend. If your sidekick leaves you’ll be stuck with us all. Please take good care of yourself and of TC.
Prayers, prayers and more prayers, Please keep us updated. We all need you!!!
God be with you and your families,
Bonnie
I have been with you since 1998 and have learned so much. I have also been through many health problems and to the point sometimes that I didn’t think I could keep going on. But I have seen the outcome of friends. many younger than I am at 73. who, when faced with medical problems, just gave up. One of my latest “adventures” was a fall on my concrete garage floor, breaking my humerus bone in three places and ending in surgery with a plate and 9 screws in my right arm….and I am SO right handed. I was told by the surgeon, most people, even those who are younger, don’t recover well from an injury like this and I would probably not have much use of my right arm. I live alone. I told the surgeon “that can’t happen because I do everything for myself”. A few weeks later when I saw him, I was able to move my arm fairly well to his amazement. And 5 months of therapy has it almost back to normal. Determination, grit and a lot of prayers helps to get you as far as possible with these situations. I absolutely can’t do what I used to do but I am still functioning better than many people my age. Just last week, after doing much therapy on my back and neck which has been an ongoing problem. I was rear ended by a huge pick up truck. Luckily, I am alive. But I know my back and neck issues are going to be a problem again. I am sooooo not happy with where I am but I have fought and come back before and will try to do it again now. My point is not to complain about me but to say I understand and have been there. And you will be in my prayers constantly. I always tell people at some point, I will go down….but I will go down fighting as much as I possibly can. Keep up the fight and know many people are “fighting” for you in thoughts and prayers. Life isn’t easy but fighting for it is worth it no matter how long it takes.
I am so sorry to hear of your debilitating illness, my heart goes out to you, I have been with you since the beginning and care about you a lot, positive attitude is what got me through some very trying times, you have a lot of that I’m happy to hear , I wish you nothing but all the best in the world 🙏🙏🩷🩷
Hi TC, my friend. I’m one of your newer (can’t say younger) friends but news of your distress is concerning. Many good thoughts and prayers are coming your way. Keep up the good fight with humor and positivity. Speaking from experience, making some adjustments to my joys in life have been rewarding, if not the same. Keep your eye on the ball, your head down and your shoulder to the wheel. Now try to work in that position! lol
From the bottom of New Zealand on a blue sky winter’s day, my heart goes out to you, with my prayers for your well-being and strength to return to you in abundance. God be with you as you face whatever is ahead of you.
Kindest Regards
Rona
Wherever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. “When you’ve done everything you can do, that’s when God will come and do what you cannot do.” 2Corinthians 12:2 When life isn’t a bed of roses, remember who wore the thorns. Just adding my comment here and praying God takes extra special care of you. Praying for you. God’s blessing to you. ♥ ┼ ♥
Sorry, that is the wrong verse. 2Corinthians 12:10 “When you’ve done everything you can do, that’s when God will come and do what you cannot do.” NOT 2Corinthians 12:2
If this is you I hope you recover and at least be able to do your walks maybe as far as you can. A little each day will bring you good feelings that at least you tried. I kind of know where you are coming from as I have fought 2 battles with Cancer in 2021 and then 2024. Those sapped a lot out of me. but I tried and came back not as strong but where I could do things again. Take care of yourself. don’t let things get you down. I will be saying Prayers for you.
As I sit here reading this with tears in my eyes, I offer up prayers for you. May God walk with you on this journey. With all the people who will be praying for you, God can’t turn his back on. Keep on fighting.
Shirley
Do you have any idea how this affects us ALL? You MATTER to us! I am one of your original followers as well as others you have heard from. You have helped me more than you will know. You are responsible for much if not MOST of my computer education! You have helped helpless people patiently (for the most part lol!) including myself and this news causes us extreme concern and sadness that you have to go through something that sounds bad…. you’re computer “FAMILY”. Thankyou for sharing with us as I am a true believer that sharing helps bear the burden and we honestly want to bear it with our support, love and prayers. Prayer WORKS. So those that believe that, lets unite in prayer for our friend TC! Don’t give up. Believe with us. You matter to so many!
Our Cloudeight family is very concerned reading your message.
You and Darcy have helped so many of us and we have built so much trust in all your knowledge.
If you guys say something is okay to use or download we trust you 100%. You have taught us so much on being careful and updated on computers.
We all pray and hope everything turns out well for you.
We need you both, so we can continue to feel safe with the ever changing technology world.
Hope you reading our responses makes you know how much we trust you both and feel so sad that you are not feeling the best. Do what your body allows and if it takes longer to get replies, we will understand. God Bless
Someone said in the comments that we trust you 100%. I do hope that you understand what that means.
In a world where trust is earned and many never achieve it, especially from a person that has never met most of us in person, that is ‘golden’.
World leaders, scientists, church leaders, educators, and friends are rarely trusted at that level.
What others are saying is true. TC, you have guided some of the most vulnerable and worried people on the planet through an age that has threatened to leave us behind. If not for you and Darcy we would be lost and isolated. Yet, we have trusted you through the years to teach and warn us like loving parents. You have earned that trust, never betraying or giving in to impatience like many self-proclaimed professionals do.
I love a movie titled ‘Joe Black”. In one of the closing scenes, when death is imminent and Joe Black (aka ‘death’) is leading a very successful, responsible, beloved man, husband, and father away from the life he has enjoyed he asks Black, ‘Should I be afraid?”
Black replies, “Not a man like you’.
What is said about us after we’re gone tells the story of what we’ve done that is worthwhile in life.
I’m sure you are not at that stage of life, at least I do hope not. But, this essay and the replies of your dear friends introduces an opportunity to talk about our legacies. TC, you have nothing to worry about, “Not a man like you”.
With so many people to hold you up every day should give you a chance to feel the love you have given coming back to you in your time of need.
We should all be so fortunate.
God bless you and show you the ‘plans He has for you’.
NO WORDS ~ JUST HUGS!
My sentiments exactly like all the ones shared above
Positive & healing vibes/prayers being sent your way!
Keep in mind that tough times don’t last, but tough people do !!!!
All the very best to you, TC !
I hope to goodness this is not you, your sentiments are so true, I was 90 last Nov my children threatening they would have to shoot me!! The they gave me wonderful surprise coming to Australia from America , I felt so blessed then this year is all collapsed and I remember a friend saying Remember the three V’s as long as you remain verticle, ventilating and and vocalising things are not so bad!! so like you said, I am continuing to do my walking I shall think of you as I do so hoping that ts not you. God Bless