Vegans and Other Ravings

By | August 6, 2020
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Vegans and Other Ravings

I must admit that letters to the editors and responses to articles on Web sites are one of my main sources of fodder for my rants. “USA Today” prints the best letters to the editor though. They tend to pick out some great letters from morons all over the world. I don’t have any particular Web site that goads me into open rebellion. Web sites vary, but you can be sure that many idiots post replies to articles on news and technology sites that inspire me too.

For some reason, I get very angry when I see or hear coolspeak. Words like “partying”, “party animal”, “bonding” “mic” for “microwave”, “fridge” for “refrigerator”, “hang out” – as in “wanna hang out with me?”, “cloud” when used in place of Web server, “interwebs” in place of  “Internet” or “Web”, “a gathering”, when used to describe what used to be called a “get together” or “party”; well you get the idea.

I digress…

“USA Today” recently published an article on how sled dogs might hold the key to curing diabetes in humans. This might be good news for those who suffer from this nasty malady, so no doubt diabetics read the article with some degree of interest. The article, of course, opened the door to a raft of coolspeakers who blew off the article as just so much drivel. This brings me to another coolspeak word I loathe and that word is “vegan” (pronounce vee-gin or vee-gun depending on how cool the cool speaker is). It used to be “vegetarian” or maybe I’m just stupid and/or lazy and there now have vegans. I guess so many vegetarians were slacking off by drinking chocolate goat milk, eating Cheetos, fish, chicken, turkey, shepherd’s pie, etc. that those old-time vegetarians now call themselves vegans. It’s a badge of honor. They became the protestants of vegetarianism; a separatist group so to speak. 

Or like I say, I’m stupid, confused, out-of-touch… in short, I’m a dolt.

Better than mere vegetarians, this band of holier-than-thou cool speaking vegans believes that a vegan diet can prevent or cure all manner of diseases including diabetes and cancer.

— I want to note here that vegans do, like everyone else, die. And they die of the same things everyone else does. —

If you know any vegans then you know they like to make a big deal out of their veganism. If you have ever known any, you know what I mean. With just a glance at their gleaming white eyeballs, they say to me, “You dirty, scummy, meat-eating dolt! You’re going to die from eating that cottage cheese, dude – wake up!” Hey! I like cottage cheese “dude”!  I like it with ketchup on it. Anything wrong with ketchup? Is ketchup OK?

I know I am a cantankerous, anti-social, meatbag. I don’t need a vegan to point out the errors of my whales. The vegan assault on the “USA Today” article about sled dogs and diabetes riled me – not that it takes much to rile me these days. Their comments smacked of oily, snake oil salesmen spreading their cheesy gospel from a wagon in a traveling carnival.

Telling people with diabetes that they would have never become diabetic if only they wouldn’t have eaten hot dogs, chicken, dairy products, fish, or anything else that comes from or is extracted from animals – which I want to point out includes Jell-O – really irritates me.

Can you tell I’m a curmudgeon? Good!

And, vegans condescending to diabetics with such advice as – “if only you’d switch to a vegan diet you could throw away those insulin pumps and blood-sugar meters”, makes my blood boil. Blood is verboten for vegans, I presume.

I would find it hard to bond with a vegan and I sure wouldn’t like hanging out with one. I can’t see myself partying with a vegan or going to a gathering of vitality-filled vegans. Vegans are the worst proselytizers of all – even worse than those guys and gals that bang on my door and offer to save me from the fires of hell.

That’s another rant for another time.

If you are a vegan keep your cool speaking, purified bodies away from my disease-ridden, meat-fouled, carcass — you eat your bean sprouts and let me eat my Big Mac.

I’m doing just fine, thank you. A hundred years from now we’ll be dead and your tofu-veggie-stuffed corpse will be just as rotten as my omnivorous one. You don’t think you’ll be dead, but you will. My only regret is I won’t be able to put a bouquet on your grave and whisper lovingly, “I told you so.” I would love to do that – those are my favorite four words.

I would expect that a swell of vegans (that’s what I call a group of vegans – like a gaggle of geese type of thing) would attack me while I prepared my famous pan-seared Pacific Wild Salmon with dill sauce if they ever read this. I know that salmon will kill me -but not as quickly as an angry rhino. I know salmon has mercury in it – but I eat it anyway.

I know that that next glass of milk could be my last. I’ll drink it anyway. And, on those rare occasions when I order a filet mignon -which is a rare occasion indeed — and I do order it rare – I promise myself I’ll not think of those lithe-bodied tofu-on-a-stick-eating vegans who look with vile disdain upon my meat-and-cheese-addicted, medically obese body.

Count me among those who choose to enjoy life rather than spending it reading vegan cookbooks, inspirational screeds from other suffering vegans, or worrying about death. So what if vegans live to be 99? Our nursing homes will be filled with mindless vegans sucking pureed carrots from a sippy cup.

I know what causes death. It isn’t meat, fish, fowl, dairy products, eggs, pork gelatin – no, it’s not even smoking and drinking. The biggest cause of death is birth.

If you don’t want to die then don’t get yourself born. If you were never born you’d never have to choose between eating tofu-filled crepes made with organic buckwheat or a sizzling, succulent pan-seared rainbow trout served with spicy au gratin potatoes.

You’d never have to worry about being obese, having a heart attack or stroke or being a burden on your children and forcing them to choose between warehousing your old, mindless, carcass in their home – and thus become a huge load of baggage – or sticking you in a nursing home and forgetting you except at Christmas.

Next time you can avoid all these tough choices by making the right choice – choose not to be born. Birth is the single biggest cause of death even for vegans. It’s going to happen to you, no matter what you eat.

“I’ll have a cheese omelet and a glass of milk, please.”

12 thoughts on “Vegans and Other Ravings

  1. Jeannie

    Without sounding like a repeat sound bite of yours, I say AMEN! Couldn’t have said it better. Have a great weekend. Any by the way, enjoy a nite steak!

  2. Maureen Campbell

    This is the one sentence I liked
    Couldn’t have said it better. Have a great weekend. Any by the way, enjoy a nite steak!
    If you were bon death can’tLhappen
    live the you want to live and enjoy everyday you have love in our families and friends no mattr what you eat.
    take care of yourself and always keep the best of your for each other.

  3. Maureen Campbell

    This is the one sentence I liked
    Couldn’t have said it better. Have a great weekend. Any by the way, enjoy a nite steak!
    If you were not born death can’t happen
    live how you want to live and enjoy everyday you have love in our families and friends no mattr what you eat.
    take care of yourself and always keep the best of your for each other.

  4. Maureen Campbell

    I enjoy everthng you put on these pages and you do great by helping us.
    Thanks or all of you Maureen
    I am celebrating my 79th birthday tommor wish you could join us!
    If you get a chance have a drink
    for me anyway Maureen

  5. Joyce Linsenmeyer

    What they think vegetables don’t have sugar in them, well I’m diabetic and will tell you they do and fruit too. Just stopping meat won’t stop you from being a diabetic.

  6. Carole

    Thank you for your “Vegans and Other Ravings”. I enjoyed reading your article and would like you to know that I agree with every word you wrote, well, maybe not every word, I don’t believe you are a dolt or curmudgeon! Keep it up – tellin’ like it is!! 😉
    Take care and keep writing!!

  7. Scott

    You should stick with writing about things you have at least a little bit of knowledge about. A proud idiot is still an idiot.

  8. Barb

    Don’t listen to Scott, your vegan rant makes sense to most of your readers, I not only feel the same way, I applaud you for putting it so much better than most of us could. Thank you for this rant.

  9. Brenda Kenney

    I think Scott should learn to write before criticizing someone else’s writing. How many times can he use the word “about” in the same sentence. Keep on writing. You have a lot of fans. Don’t listen to “idiots” like Scott.

    Love your writing, TC. Brenda

  10. JoninOz

    Hi TC & EB,

    At last, a complete and knock-’em-out article about vegans who have the audacity to dictate to normal people what they should not eat and drink.
    The stupidity goes beyond the sense fact and fiction, fact, animals have been used for human food since humans walked on Earth, fiction, food that does not use animal ingredients is not chicken, hamburgers, sausages, meat patties, bacon, chocolate made from oats milk is not milk nor chocolate, ice dream made from a type of goop is not ice cream, and almond nuts do not contain milk.
    Add to the above the protein powder in various packages that cannot correctly describe the ingredients which are protein-rich……powdered milk and eggs not included.
    We have ‘friends’ who are vegetarians and once only we were invited over for dinner, Cottage Pie made from chick peas with mashed potatoes, although the potato peeler was a present from grandma many years ago and it had an elaborate carved handle not made of wood or plastic, made from ivory, brought from Africa by grandpa during WW2.
    Surprisingly we were not invited to partake of their daily doses of vitamin pills, each pill with a different letter from the alphabet, nor did we donate to their weekly, expensive drug store (pharmacy) account.
    P.S. Slow-cooked beef casserole for our dinner this evening. 😉

  11. Maxine Hunt

    Isn’t the movement now called ‘plant-based’? Same fear mongering and same diet restrictions. I recognized the vegetarian limitations right away. As for Scott, why did you read the article in the first place? Obviously there are no ‘experts’ and ‘scientists’ on this topic here, just regular folks who like having the freedom to choose their own food. if you want to eat grass and acorns you go right ahead. Those same individuals are now promoting crickets for dog food instead of the meat carnivors crave. I enjoy riding past a pasture and seeing healthy cows outdoors in the sunshine. That means there will still be aged cheese, pot roast, and McDonald’s in the morning.


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