A Letter from a Scum Bag: Unfortunately, I have some unpleasant news for you

By | May 19, 2022
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A Letter from a Scum Bag

Unfortunately, I have some unpleasant news for you.

This week’s essay really isn’t an essay, it’s part rant, part fun, and part tip.

We have been receiving a variation of an email that, unfortunately, seems to be scaring some people.  Many have received a version of this letter. Some were quite afraid there was some truth in these threats and they were afraid their private lives were about to be publicly exposed. 

In this light-hearted look at this particular “letter” from a scum bag, we will — hopefully — ease your mind. As you’ll see later in this miscreant’s email, he threatens serious wrath should we tell anyone about his email. We say “Bring on the wrath buddy” as we’re about to show his email to thousands of people.

Our comments are in blue and hopefully, our grammar is not nearly as bad as his. The message was addressed to one of our business addresses, and the “From” address was spoofed to show it coming from the same Cloudeight business address. In fact, it came from someone and someplace in India.

So, let’s have some fun with this miscreant.

 

Hello!

Unfortunately, I have some unpleasant news for you.

Roughly several months ago I have managed to get a complete access to all devices that you use to browse internet. Afterwards, I have proceeded with monitoring all internet activities of yours.

You can check out the sequence of events summarize below:

Previously I have bought from hackers a special access to various email accounts (currently, it is rather a straightforward thing that can be done online). Clearly, I could effortlessly log in to your email account as well (one of our email adresses he  shows here to scare us.)

One week after that, I proceeded with installing a Trojan virus in Operating Systems of all your devices, which are used by you to login to your email. Actually, that was rather a simple thing to do (because you have opened a few links from your inbox emails previously). Genius is in simplicity. ( ~_^)

Really, in all our devices? Oh yes, buddy, you’re a real genius. Wow, so now you are not controlling all our devices from your little spammer’s hole?  You’re a real top-notch computer genius all right – and a heck of a writer too.

Thanks to that software I can get access to all controllers inside your devices (such as your video camera, microphone, keyboard etc.). I could easily download all your data, photos, web browsing history and other information to my servers. I can access all your social networks accounts, messengers, emails, including chat history as well as contacts list. This virus of mine unceasingly keeps refreshing its signatures (since it is controlled by a driver), and as result stays unnoticed by antivirus software.

Hereby, I believe by this time it is already clear for you why I was never detected until I sent this letter…

Yep. You got us. We were totally oblivious to your invasion of “all our devices”. Wow,  you’re controlling all our devices with a  driver? Is that an Android, Windows, Apple, Linux, or Taxi driver? And how many servers do you own? You must be a top-notch thief and computer guru to pull this off without detection. and you have your very your own virus too? What a brilliant computer guru you must be!

While compiling all the information related to you, I have also found out that you are a true fan and frequent visitor of adult websites. You truly enjoy browsing through porn websites, while watching arousing videos and experiencing an unimaginable satisfaction. To be honest, I could not resist but to record some of your kinky solo sessions and compiled them in several videos, which demonstrate you (xxx and xxx – edited by Cloudeight).

Wow, you caught us. We’re embarrassed, appalled, and afraid. We’re literally shaking in our booties.  You actually recorded our kinky solo sessions too? Did you enjoy them? And you sat you compiled them all into several videos? So, you’re a video editing genius too? Have you ever considered giving up the blackmail spam business and going to Hollywood?

If you still don’t trust me, all it takes me is several mouse clicks to distribute all those videos with your colleagues, friends and even relatives. In addition, I can upload them online for entire public to access. I truly believe, you absolutely don’t want such things to occur, bearing in mind the kinky stuff exposed in those videos that you usually watch, (you definitely understand what I am trying to say) it will result in a complete disaster for you.

If we “still don’t trust you”? Do you think we ever trusted you, you filthy scumbag? If we don’t do what you tell us you’re going to upload all our all personal information and kinky videos so that the “entire public” can access them. Really? All seven billion plus people on earth will see? Oh my gosh! Wow! Yeh, we definitely understand what you’re trying to say. We are writhing in worry here, shaking in fear, sweating with worry. You got us! Please tell us how to avoid this debacle! Pretty please? 

We can still resolve it in the following manner: You perform a transfer of $1590 USD to me (a bitcoin equivalent based on the exchange rate during the funds transfer), so after I receive the transfer, I will straight away remove all those lecherous videos without hesitation.

What a relief! Do you mean all we have to do is send you $1590 worth of bitcoin and we’re off the hook? It’s just that easy? Really? What a very magnanimous and compassionate person you must be to allow us to escape being exposed to the “entire public”. You’re pretty nice for a slimy, little, scumbag.

Then we can pretend like it has never happened before. In addition, I assure that all the harmful software will be deactivated and removed from all devices of yours. Don’t worry, I am a man of my word.

Wow! For $1590 you’ll “deactivate” and “remove” all your harmful software from all of our devices? Really? How about the taxi driver? Will you remove him too? You are such a nice person!

It is really a good deal with a considerably low the price, bearing in mind that I was monitoring your profile as well as traffic over an extended period. If you still unaware about the purchase and transfer process of bitcoins – all you can do is find the necessary information online.

What a deal! You’re so right. So, if we don’t know how bitcoin transfers work, all we have to do is google it? Great! One thing we need to tell you though, is maybe you should take the $1590 and enroll in some remedial English courses. Do you have an aversion to articles of speech for some reason – especially a, an, the? Just wondering.

My bitcoin wallet is as follows: (Removed by Cloudeight)

You are left with 48 hours and the countdown starts right after you open this email (2 days to be specific).

OH MY GOSH! This email has been in our spam folder for 96 hours… we’re sorry we didn’t see it sooner. Can we have an extension or have you already uploaded all that kinky stuff to the “entire public”?  If you have, please let us know as there would be no reason to send you $1590, would there?

Don’t forget to keep in mind and abstain from doing the following:

> Do not attempt to reply my email (this email was generated in your inbox together with the return address).

> Do not attempt to call police as well as other security services.

Moreover, don’t even think of sharing it with your friends. If I get to know about it (based on my skills, that would be very easy, since that I have all your systems under my control and constant monitoring) – your dirty video will become public without delay.

We’re sharing this with thousands of friends… we’re sorry we didn’t see this part. But wait a minute. I thought you had a lot of dirty videos that you were going to “compile into several videos”. Now you’re saying you only have one? Can we get a discount then since you only have one?  Doesn’t seem worth $1590 to use if you only have one kinky video.

> Don’t attempt searching for me – it is completely useless. Cryptocurrency transactions always remain anonymous.

Don’t attempt reinstalling the OS of your devices or even getting rid of them. It is meaningless too, because all your private videos are already been available on remote servers.

Now you say you have more than one video again? Come on, tell us how many you really have!

Things you should be concerned about:

> That I will not receive the funds transfer you make. Relax, I will be able to track it immediately, after you complete the funds transfer, because I unceasingly monitor all activities that you do (trojan virus of mine can control remotely all processes, same as TeamViewer).

> That I will still distribute your videos after you have sent the money to me.

Believe me, it is pointless for me to proceed with troubling you after that. Besides that, if that really was my intention, it would happen long time ago!

It all will be settled on fair conditions and terms!

You’re nothing if not honest and fair, Mr. Scumbag. We’re duly impressed by your computer savvy, your hacking abilities, your stealthiness, and your impressive command of the English language. But you do need to work on those articles of speech a bit more – especially if you want people to think you actually speak English as a first language.

One last advice from me… Moving forward make sure you don’t get involved in such type of incidents again! My suggestion – make sure you change all your passwords as often as possible.

Now that’s the best advice you’ve given. And we’ll pass that along to our thousands of friends.

We sure hope you’ll give us more time and not expose us to the “entire public since we will not meet your deadline. But if you can just give us more time … let’s negotiate. Where can we reach you?

7 thoughts on “A Letter from a Scum Bag: Unfortunately, I have some unpleasant news for you

  1. sharon spann

    good you told him how it is….people just need to be alert..thanks for your help to all of us

    Reply
  2. Muriel Schlecht

    Thanks for this TC, and for helping and alerting the people who might continue to be scared by this crap. I notice one of the first things he draws attention to is those who STILL click on links in emails even after the zillions of warnings not to do that. This guy’s “scummieness” ( i made up a new word) is only exceeded by his stupidity. It must have taken him hours and hours to compose and “fine-tune” this piece of trash. I sure hope he isn’t making a living this way. DO NOT SEND MONEY TO PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW….EVER.

    Reply
  3. Dawn

    Thanks for the belly laugh of the morning! You aced this letter! Too funny. Mine like this go straight to spam and report!!

    Reply
  4. Joann Bolen

    Oh, my goodness! I sure hope nothing like this in any way, shape or form will ever, ever happen to me! I would be petrified & give it all up including my computer!

    I am positive you at CloudEight would be able to “outsmart” the most nefarious activists ever to exist.

    I’m forever thankful that I subscribed to your business nearly 20 yrs. ago. I’ve learned more from you two than I could ever have learned in any other way.

    Thanks for sharing this particular “rat”!!!

    Reply
  5. D.

    These people know you would not send money if they did not sound scary. So, the worse it sounds, the better chance of you replying. These people are nothing but everyday trash trying to get money off of you any way they can…” delete it”. They have been doing this for a long time because it works if they don’t get but a few people.

    Reply
  6. Terry Bell

    Loved your reactions to this creep.
    He needs to enlist some help; perhaps by using the likes of Grammarly. There are many computer literate people in South Asia, but that’s different from being literate.
    Enjoy your weekend by trying to be off the grid.
    Cheers,
    TerryB

    Reply

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