Thoughts
Now, about six months into the semi-ambulatory stage of my old age, I have rediscovered a favorite old pastime of my younger days: reading. It provides another escape, besides sleeping, from the inescapable torments of aging.
Sleeping is easier during the day when the pain pills are in full vigor, and the buzzing of life is all around. Sleeping at night is more challenging since it is quieter and therefore easier to hear my bones creak and crack when I toss and turn as I attempt to find the most painless position for sleeping. I’ve discovered there is none, but I try just the same. It’s become a ritual by now.
The racing thoughts of an old man seem to become stranger and harder to ignore at night. The cascading cacophony of thoughts, combined with the creaky, muffled sounds of the night, makes for a terrible night of sleep.
My days now consist of random periods of sleeping in a chair and reading, mostly made possible by frequent doses of acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and tramadol. Sometimes a gummy or two… with the doctor’s blessings, of course.
The biggest problem with reading is, and always has been, finding something to read. When you finish a good book, one you savored cover-to-cover, finding one equally good or better is a challenge. When you’re old, you don’t have the patience to weed through the detritus and wordy padding that some authors use to pad the page count. And the haze of medication doesn’t make it easier.
So, I have become nearly impossible to please. I don’t waste much time on long book searches. I would rather sleep. Today, I found a book that piqued my interest. It kept me awake for a whole chapter, something most books do not. I read only one chapter, not because, as you’re probably thinking, I fell asleep, but because I want to have something to do tomorrow besides sleep. And that does not mean another book search.
Don’t pity me. I don’t need it. Your day will come – sooner or later. Or maybe not. We all have to depart this mortal coil. The lucky ones can do it without suffering.
So, my appointment book, between reading and sleeping, and eating, is full for tomorrow and for the foreseeable future. I love reading a good book, but the pain and the painkillers, along with reading makes me sleepy.
Did I mention gummies?
And it’s pretty tough to hobble around at my age with a cane. At any age, I suppose. You don’t want to cut those bathroom trips too close, though; you may not make it. Then you have something else to do. So you need to add a few minutes to get to the bathroom. Pretty pitiable. Indeed.
I can’t believe I’m even writing this. But this essay is titled “Thoughts”; that should’ve been a due notice of the content herein. Not to repeat myself, but you had a fair warning.
Now, excuse me as I hobble away.
I rest my cane.
You could have been writing about me….Perhaps you were. 89 yrs. old. Housebound. I do watch birds feeding – but otherwise I read. No TV – English language channels not avail here.
Most modern “best sellers” seem to exist on the “f”-word. Nasty. No idea about good language or clever actions without blood and thunder. Let’s exchange good book titles? RP
Love John Grisham’s The Testament & most of his other books. Also like Scott Turow’s books. Both write legal (courtroom) thrillers with very little sex or foul language. I can’t guarantee there’s not any but it does’t run rife though their books. Also, The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albomis great. I read a lot of books, most are OK but these books are the ones that I remember most fondly.
I love your essays. As the national news is bitter and hateful for the most part these days, I find myself looking for a new essay on Infoave instead. You should be writing a daily column for seniors, one that relates to the inevitable decline in health and social interactions that go hand-in-hand with aging. It is frustrating to watch young people trying to encourage old people to be more active, dumbbells in hand, doing ‘chair exercises’ and a list of dietary exclusions that might help. This is ok for 50-year-olds who might recover some health benefits, but for those over 70 who know where the future lies, we might prefer company instead. In addition, we are through for the most part, with the nonsense of ‘chasing our youth’. For most, we’ve dumped the dyed blonde hair and plastic surgery in favor of accepting reality, making the best of it and finding new value in each stage of life. Your essays don’t exactly encourage anyone that a brighter day is on the horizon, but at least you let others know that several naps a day doesn’t make you a failure in the eyes of the world. Not at your age and not at mine. I’d love to see more of your essays in the clear, honest , fashion that makes you a great senior writer.
Thanks. I just tell it like it is. It’s an experience getting old – I’m just trying to document it without all the window dressing 🙂
Hi TC
You’re doing a great job – don’t give up on it or us. I too am 89 and couldn’t depend on my computer skills without you. May God Bless you and relieve you of your aches and pains. I love John Grisham books also!!
Kind Regards
Rona
You are to be commended for being able to put your personal life into print and share with us ..I am heaaded toward the age of 96 and think old age is more of a punishment than a pleasure.
My pleaasure every day is reading your Dailys you so graciously send out.. I thank you..
All I c an add is sending prayers as I am travelling the “Old Road” too… You have always written beautiful essays. I have enjoyed them all over the years…