Take This for Example

Take This for Example

The English language is strange. Whether other languages are as strange, I do not know; I’m only vaguely familiar with Spanish. I can say useful phrases such as, “Where is the bathroom?” “Where is the beach?” “Brush my teeth,” and “Where is the dog?”

Anyway, let’s get back to English, the only language I’m intimately knowledgeable about (though some of you will strongly disagree).

Let’s take the word “take” for example. Apparently, we are a nation of takers. We are told to take a break, take a nap, and take a vacation. Then, once we have taken all of those, we are told to relax and take it easy. But using the word “take” like that is a huge linguistic leap. In fact, that kind of taking might be a logistical impossibility.

If you could really take a nap, or take a break, where would you take it from? Is there a lost-and-found bin somewhere where old breaks are stored? Is there a shelf at the store next to the hand lotion labeled “Breaks—Small, Medium, and Large”? I went looking for one yesterday, but all I found was a sale on lip balm. If I cannot find a break, I certainly cannot take one.

And then there is the nap. People tell you to “take a nap” as if they were loose peaches at a farmers’ market. If I see a nap sitting there on the sofa, do I just scoop it up? Do I put it in my pocket? And if I do manage to successfully take a nap, where do I take it? To the kitchen? The garage? I suspect if you actually tried to “take” a nap somewhere, you’d be arrested for kidnapping a dream.

We are constantly urged to “take this shortcut” and get there faster or complete our projects more easily. Where can we take these shortcuts from? Is it something like Strawberry Shortcut? Oh, sorry…just being punny. 

Then some people advise you to “take it all in.” I once tried to take it all in during a sunset. I stood on the porch with my mouth agape, trying to absorb the entire horizon. I didn’t feel enlightened; I just felt like I was getting a stiff neck. What is “it” anyway? Bring “it” to me and let me look at it first.

Perhaps the most dangerous advice is to “take it for granted.” I am not sure who is granting these things, but I’d like to meet them. Is it a government agency? Is there a form to fill out? “Dear Sir: I would like to take my health, my eyesight, and my cat for granted, please”. It sounds like a quick way to lose all three.

Many times, we are told to “take the time to do it right.” This is the only phrase that makes any sense, even if it is a bit of a puzzle. If I take the time, does that mean I am stealing it? And if I take it, will I have to pay it back later with interest?

Take it from me, the whole thing is baffling. Apparently, there’s a lot of stuff out there to take, but I just don’t know where to find it to take it. I think from now on, I’ll just take things as they come.

By now, I’m sure you know that you can take my word for it. So, save yourself all that aggravation; take a stand:  If you want to take something worthwhile, take some time for yourself.